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The Project Gutenberg Etext of The Gambler, by Fyodor Dostoyevsky - səhifə 4

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anything to do with him; and I cannot bear people of that sort.

Each such 'Fater' has his family, and in the evenings they

read improving books aloud. Over their roof-trees there murmur

elms and chestnuts; the sun has sunk to his rest; a stork is

roosting on the gable; and all is beautifully poetic and

touching. Do not be angry, General. Let me tell you something

that is even more touching than that. I can remember how, of an

evening, my own father, now dead, used to sit under the lime

trees in his little garden, and to read books aloud to myself

and my mother. Yes, I know how things ought to be done. Yet

every German family is bound to slavery and to submission to its

'Fater.' They work like oxen, and amass wealth like Jews.

Suppose the 'Fater' has put by a certain number of gulden

which he hands over to his eldest son, in order that the said

son may acquire a trade or a small plot of land. Well, one

result is to deprive the daughter of a dowry, and so leave her

among the unwedded. For the same reason, the parents will have

to sell the younger son into bondage or the ranks of the army,

in order that he may earn more towards the family capital. Yes,

such things ARE done, for I have been making inquiries on the

subject. It is all done out of sheer rectitude--out of a

rectitude which is magnified to the point of the younger son

believing that he has been RIGHTLY sold, and that it is simply

idyllic for the victim to rejoice when he is made over into

pledge. What more have I to tell? Well, this--that matters bear

just as hardly upon the eldest son. Perhaps he has his Gretchen

to whom his heart is bound; but he cannot marry her, for the

reason that he has not yet amassed sufficient gulden. So, the

pair wait on in a mood of sincere and virtuous expectation, and

smilingly deposit themselves in pawn the while. Gretchen's

cheeks grow sunken, and she begins to wither; until at last,

after some twenty years, their substance has multiplied, and

sufficient gulden have been honourably and virtuously

accumulated. Then the 'Fater' blesses his forty-year-old heir and

the thirty-five-year-old Gretchen with the sunken bosom and the

scarlet nose; after which he bursts, into tears, reads the pair

a lesson on morality, and dies. In turn the eldest son becomes a

virtuous 'Fater,' and the old story begins again. In fifty or

sixty years' time the grandson of the original 'Fater' will

have amassed a considerable sum; and that sum he will hand over

to, his son, and the latter to HIS son, and so on for several

generations; until at length there will issue a Baron

Rothschild, or a 'Hoppe and Company,' or the devil knows what!

Is it not a beautiful spectacle--the spectacle of a century or

two of inherited labour, patience, intellect, rectitude,

character, perseverance, and calculation, with a stork sitting

on the roof above it all? What is more; they think there can

never be anything better than this; wherefore, from their point

of view they begin to judge the rest of the world, and to

censure all who are at fault--that is to say, who are not exactly

like themselves. Yes, there you have it in a nutshell. For my

own part, I would rather grow fat after the Russian manner, or

squander my whole substance at roulette. I have no wish to be

'Hoppe and Company' at the end of five generations. I want the

money for MYSELF, for in no way do I look upon my personality

as necessary to, or meet to be given over to, capital. I may be

wrong, but there you have it. Those are MY views."
"How far you may be right in what you have said I do not know,"

remarked the General moodily; "but I DO know that you are

becoming an insufferable farceur whenever you are given the

least chance."


As usual, he left his sentence unfinished. Indeed, whenever he

embarked upon anything that in the least exceeded the limits of

daily small-talk, he left unfinished what he was saying. The

Frenchman had listened to me contemptuously, with a slight

protruding of his eyes; but, he could not have understood very

much of my harangue. As for Polina, she had looked on with

serene indifference. She seemed to have heard neither my voice

nor any other during the progress of the meal.


V
Yes, she had been extraordinarily meditative. Yet, on leaving

the table, she immediately ordered me to accompany her for a

walk. We took the children with us, and set out for the fountain

in the Park.


I was in such an irritated frame of mind that in rude and abrupt

fashion I blurted out a question as to "why our Marquis de

Griers had ceased to accompany her for strolls, or to speak to

her for days together."


"Because he is a brute," she replied in rather a curious way.

It was the first time that I had heard her speak so of De

Griers: consequently, I was momentarily awed into silence by this

expression of resentment.


"Have you noticed, too, that today he is by no means on good

terms with the General?" I went on.


"Yes-- and I suppose you want to know why," she replied with dry

captiousness. "You are aware, are you not, that the General is

mortgaged to the Marquis, with all his property? Consequently,

if the General's mother does not die, the Frenchman will become

the absolute possessor of everything which he now holds only in

pledge."
"Then it is really the case that everything is mortgaged? I

have heard rumours to that effect, but was unaware how far they

might be true."


"Yes, they ARE true. What then?"
"Why, it will be a case of 'Farewell, Mlle. Blanche,'" I

remarked; "for in such an event she would never become Madame

General. Do you know, I believe the old man is so much in love

with her that he will shoot himself if she should throw him

over. At his age it is a dangerous thing to fall in love."
"Yes, something, I believe, WILL happen to him," assented

Polina thoughtfully.


"And what a fine thing it all is!" I continued. "Could anything

be more abominable than the way in which she has agreed to marry

for money alone? Not one of the decencies has

been observed; the whole affair has taken place without the

least ceremony. And as for the grandmother, what could be more

comical, yet more dastardly, than the sending of telegram after

telegram to know if she is dead? What do you think of it, Polina

Alexandrovna?"


"Yes, it is very horrible," she interrupted with a shudder.

"Consequently, I am the more surprised that YOU should be so

cheerful. What are YOU so pleased about? About the fact that you

have gone and lost my money?"


"What? The money that you gave me to lose? I told you I should

never win for other people--least of all for you. I obeyed you

simply because you ordered me to; but you must not blame me for

the result. I warned you that no good would ever come of it. You

seem much depressed at having lost your money. Why do you need

it so greatly?"


"Why do YOU ask me these questions?"
"Because you promised to explain matters to me. Listen. I am

certain that, as soon as ever I 'begin to play for myself' (and I

still have 120 gulden left), I shall win. You can then take of

me what you require."


She made a contemptuous grimace.
"You must not be angry with me," I continued, "for making such

a proposal. I am so conscious of being only a nonentity in your

eyes that you need not mind accepting money from me. A gift from

me could not possibly offend you. Moreover, it was I who lost

your gulden."
She glanced at me, but, seeing that I was in an irritable,

sarcastic mood, changed the subject.


"My affairs cannot possibly interest you," she said. Still,

if you DO wish to know, I am in debt. I borrowed some

money, and must pay it back again. I have a curious, senseless

idea that I am bound to win at the gaming-tables. Why I think so

I cannot tell, but I do think so, and with some assurance.

Perhaps it is because of that assurance that I now find myself

without any other resource."
"Or perhaps it is because it is so NECESSARY for you to win. It

is like a drowning man catching at a straw. You yourself will

agree that, unless he were drowning he would not mistake a straw

for the trunk of a tree."


Polina looked surprised.
"What?" she said. "Do not you also hope something from it?

Did you not tell me again and again, two weeks ago, that you

were certain of winning at roulette if you played here? And did

you not ask me not to consider you a fool for doing so? Were you

joking? You cannot have been, for I remember that you spoke with

a gravity which forbade the idea of your jesting."


"True," I replied gloomily. "I always felt certain that I

should win. Indeed, what you say makes me ask myself--Why have my

absurd, senseless losses of today raised a doubt in my mind?

Yet I am still positive that, so soon as ever I begin to play

for myself, I shall infallibly win."
"And why are you so certain?"
"To tell the truth, I do not know. I only know that I must

win--that it is the one resource I have left. Yes, why do I feel

so assured on the point?"
"Perhaps because one cannot help winning if one is fanatically

certain of doing so."


"Yet I dare wager that you do not think me capable of serious

feeling in the matter?"


"I do not care whether you are so or not," answered Polina with

calm indifference. "Well, since you ask me, I DO doubt your

ability to take anything seriously. You are capable of worrying,

but not deeply. You are too ill-regulated and unsettled a person

for that. But why do you want money? Not a single one of the reasons

which you have given can be looked upon as serious."


"By the way," I interrupted, "you say you want to pay off a

debt. It must be a large one. Is it to the Frenchman?"


"What do you mean by asking all these questions? You are very

clever today. Surely you are not drunk?"


"You know that you and I stand on no ceremony, and that

sometimes I put to you very plain questions. I repeat that I am

your, slave--and slaves cannot be shamed or offended."
"You talk like a child. It is always possible to comport

oneself with dignity. If one has a quarrel it ought to elevate

rather than to degrade one."
"A maxim straight from the copybook! Suppose I CANNOT comport

myself with dignity. By that I mean that, though I am a man of

self-respect, I am unable to carry off a situation properly. Do

you know the reason? It is because we Russians are too richly and

multifariously gifted to be able at once to find the proper mode

of expression. It is all a question of mode. Most of us are so

bounteously endowed with intellect as to require also a spice of

genius to choose the right form of behaviour. And genius is

lacking in us for the reason that so little genius at all

exists. It belongs only to the French--though a few other

Europeans have elaborated their forms so well as to be able to

figure with extreme dignity, and yet be wholly undignified

persons. That is why, with us, the mode is so all-important. The

Frenchman may receive an insult-- a real, a venomous insult: yet,

he will not so much as frown. But a tweaking of the nose he

cannot bear, for the reason that such an act is an infringement

of the accepted, of the time-hallowed order of decorum. That is

why our good ladies are so fond of Frenchmen--the Frenchman's

manners, they say, are perfect! But in my opinion there is no

such thing as a Frenchman's manners. The Frenchman is only a

bird--the coq gaulois. At the same time, as I am not a woman, I

do not properly understand the question. Cocks may be excellent

birds. If I am wrong you must stop me. You ought to stop and

correct me more often when I am speaking to you, for I am too

apt to say everything that is in my head.
"You see, I have lost my manners. I agree that I have none, nor yet

any dignity. I will tell you why. I set no store upon such things.

Everything in me has undergone a cheek. You know the reason. I have not a

single human thought in my head. For a long while I have been

ignorant of what is going on in the world--here or in Russia. I

have been to Dresden, yet am completely in the dark as to what

Dresden is like. You know the cause of my obsession. I have no

hope now, and am a mere cipher in your eyes; wherefore, I tell

you outright that wherever I go I see only you--all the rest is a

matter of indifference.


"Why or how I have come to love you I do not know. It may be that

you are not altogether fair to look upon. Do you know, I am ignorant

even as to what your face is like. In all probability, too, your heart

is not comely, and it is possible that your mind is wholly ignoble."


"And because you do not believe in my nobility of soul you

think to purchase me with money?" she said.


"WHEN have I thought to do so?" was my reply.
"You are losing the thread of the argument. If you do not wish

to purchase me, at all events you wish to purchase my respect."


"Not at all. I have told you that I find it difficult to

explain myself. You are hard upon me. Do not be angry at my

chattering. You know why you ought not to be angry with me--that

I am simply an imbecile. However, I do not mind if you ARE

angry. Sitting in my room, I need but to think of you, to

imagine to myself the rustle of your dress, and at once I fall

almost to biting my hands. Why should you be angry with me?

Because I call myself your slave? Revel, I pray you, in my

slavery--revel in it. Do you know that sometimes I could kill

you?--not because I do not love you, or am jealous of you, but,

because I feel as though I could simply devour you... You are

laughing!"


"No, I am not," she retorted. "But I order you, nevertheless,

to be silent."


She stopped, well nigh breathless with anger. God knows, she may

not have been a beautiful woman, yet I loved to see her come to

a halt like this, and was therefore, the more fond of arousing

her temper. Perhaps she divined this, and for that very reason

gave way to rage. I said as much to her.
"What rubbish!" she cried with a shudder.
"I do not care," I continued. "Also, do you know that it is

not safe for us to take walks together? Often I have a feeling

that I should like to strike you, to disfigure you, to strangle

you. Are you certain that it will never come to that? You are

driving me to frenzy. Am I afraid of a scandal, or of your

anger? Why should I fear your anger? I love without hope, and

know that hereafter I shall love you a thousand times more. If

ever I should kill you I should have to kill myself too. But I

shall put off doing so as long as possible, for I wish to

continue enjoying the unbearable pain which your coldness gives

me. Do you know a very strange thing? It is that, with every

day, my love for you increases--though that would seem to be

almost an impossibility. Why should I not become a fatalist?

Remember how, on the third day that we ascended the

Shlangenberg, I was moved to whisper in your ear: 'Say but the

word, and I will leap into the abyss.' Had you said it, I should

have leapt. Do you not believe me?"
"What stupid rubbish!" she cried.
"I care not whether it be wise or stupid," I cried in return.

"I only know that in your presence I must speak, speak, speak.

Therefore, I am speaking. I lose all conceit when I am with you,

and everything ceases to matter."


"Why should I have wanted you to leap from the Shlangenberg?"

she said drily, and (I think) with wilful offensiveness. "THAT

would have been of no use to me."
"Splendid!" I shouted. "I know well that you must have used

the words 'of no use' in order to crush me. I can see through

you. 'Of no use,' did you say? Why, to give pleasure is ALWAYS

of use; and, as for barbarous, unlimited power--even if it be only

over a fly--why, it is a kind of luxury. Man is a despot by

nature, and loves to torture. You, in particular, love to do so."


I remember that at this moment she looked at me in a peculiar

way. The fact is that my face must have been expressing all the

maze of senseless, gross sensations which were seething within

me. To this day I can remember, word for word, the conversation

as I have written it down. My eyes were suffused with blood, and

the foam had caked itself on my lips. Also, on my honour I swear

that, had she bidden me cast myself from the summit of the

Shlangenberg, I should have done it. Yes, had she bidden me in

jest, or only in contempt and with a spit in my face, I should

have cast myself down.


"Oh no! Why so? I believe you," she said, but in such a

manner--in the manner of which, at times, she was a mistress--and

with such a note of disdain and viperish arrogance in her tone,

that God knows I could have killed her.


Yes, at that moment she stood in peril. I had not lied to her

about that.


"Surely you are not a coward?" suddenly she asked me.
"I do not know," I replied. "Perhaps I am, but I do not know.

I have long given up thinking about such things."


"If I said to you, 'Kill that man,' would you kill him?"
"Whom?"
"Whomsoever I wish?"
"The Frenchman?"
"Do not ask me questions; return me answers. I repeat,

whomsoever I wish? I desire to see if you were speaking

seriously just now."
She awaited my reply with such gravity and impatience that I

found the situation unpleasant.


"Do YOU, rather, tell me," I said, "what is going on here? Why

do you seem half-afraid of me? I can see for myself what is

wrong. You are the step-daughter of a ruined and insensate man

who is smitten with love for this devil of a Blanche. And there

is this Frenchman, too, with his mysterious influence over you.

Yet, you actually ask me such a question! If you do not tell me

how things stand, I shall have to put in my oar and do something.

Are you ashamed to be frank with me? Are you shy of me? "


"I am not going to talk to you on that subject. I have asked

you a question, and am waiting for an answer."


"Well, then--I will kill whomsoever you wish," I said. "But are

you REALLY going to bid me do such deeds?"


"Why should you think that I am going to let you off? I shall

bid you do it, or else renounce me. Could you ever do the

latter? No, you know that you couldn't. You would first kill

whom I had bidden you, and then kill ME for having dared to send

you away!"
Something seemed to strike upon my brain as I heard these words.

Of course, at the time I took them half in jest and half as a

challenge; yet, she had spoken them with great seriousness. I

felt thunderstruck that she should so express herself, that she

should assert such a right over me, that she should assume such

authority and say outright: "Either you kill whom I bid you, or

I will have nothing more to do with you." Indeed, in what she

had said there was something so cynical and unveiled as to pass

all bounds. For how could she ever regard me as the same after

the killing was done? This was more than slavery and abasement;

it was sufficient to bring a man back to his right senses. Yet,

despite the outrageous improbability of our conversation, my

heart shook within me.
Suddenly, she burst out laughing. We were seated on a bench near

the spot where the children were playing--just opposite the point

in the alley-way before the Casino where the carriages drew up

in order to set down their occupants.


"Do you see that fat Baroness?" she cried. "It is the Baroness

Burmergelm. She arrived three days ago. Just look at her

husband--that tall, wizened Prussian there, with the stick in his

hand. Do you remember how he stared at us the other day? Well,

go to the Baroness, take off your hat to her, and say something

in French."


"Why?"
"Because you have sworn that you would leap from the

Shlangenberg for my sake, and that you would kill any one whom I

might bid you kill. Well, instead of such murders and tragedies,

I wish only for a good laugh. Go without answering me, and let

me see the Baron give you a sound thrashing with his stick."
"Then you throw me out a challenge?--you think that I will not

do it?"
"Yes, I do challenge you. Go, for such is my will."


"Then I WILL go, however mad be your fancy. Only, look here:

shall you not be doing the General a great disservice, as well

as, through him, a great disservice to yourself? It is not about

myself I am worrying-- it is about you and the General. Why, for

a mere fancy, should I go and insult a woman?"
"Ah! Then I can see that you are only a trifler," she said

contemptuously. "Your eyes are swimming with blood--but only

because you have drunk a little too much at luncheon. Do I not

know that what I have asked you to do is foolish and wrong, and

that the General will be angry about it? But I want to have a

good laugh, all the same. I want that, and nothing else. Why

should you insult a woman, indeed? Well, you will be given a

sound thrashing for so doing."


I turned away, and went silently to do her bidding. Of course

the thing was folly, but I could not get out of it. I remember

that, as I approached the Baroness, I felt as excited as a

schoolboy. I was in a frenzy, as though I were drunk.


VI
Two days have passed since that day of lunacy. What a noise and

a fuss and a chattering and an uproar there was! And what a

welter of unseemliness and disorder and stupidity and bad

manners! And I the cause of it all! Yet part of the scene was

also ridiculous--at all events to myself it was so. I am not

quite sure what was the matter with me--whether I was merely

stupefied or whether I purposely broke loose and ran amok.

At times my mind seems all confused; while at other times

I seem almost to be back in my childhood, at the school desk,

and to have done the deed simply out of mischief.


It all came of Polina--yes, of Polina. But for her, there might

never have been a fracas. Or perhaps I did the deed in a fit of

despair (though it may be foolish of me to think so)? What there

is so attractive about her I cannot think. Yet there IS

something attractive about her--something passing fair, it would

seem. Others besides myself she has driven to distraction. She



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